Romance Scams

Most people these days, particularly in younger demographics, are foregoing traditional methods of meeting people and opting for online dating. Online dating can open up possibilities and allow users to meet people they may never have come across otherwise but also opens up opportunities for scammers.

Scammers use fake or misrepresentative photos and fake words to create an illusion of intimacy and trust, sometimes the goal is simply for a feeling of power and/or control but more and more commonly it is for exploitation, manipulation and extortion.

One of the most common and well-known romance scams is known as 'catfishing' where the scammer creates a false identity, sometimes totally made up, sometimes based on another person or celebrity using a real person's name and photos.

It usually starts as a friend request from the fake profile on their chosen platform, after which they quickly try to build a connection by claiming similar interests or experiences and manufacture "deep and meaningful" conversations, start using pet names and use words to make their victim feel special, desirable and wanted, and very quickly jump into talk of love, feelings and the future.

When they feel they have hooked their victim in, they will suddenly have a family, medical, travel or other emergency and ask their love to help pay, which they may or may not promise to pay back. The first request may not be that serious, it could be a small need like money for a taxi to visit a sick relative, however the requests will keep coming, keep getting bigger, the stories more elaborate until you have no money to pay or refuse to pay more.

Romance scams also bleed over into other types of scams, such as investment scams. They play on the victim's feelings to build trust and recommend an investment or ask for help making a deposit for a "sure-thing". They can also implicate the victim in a crime, such as trafficking or money laundering.


Key things to look out for in online dating

They only have a few photographs on their accounts, and they appear to be generic and/or modelling or glamour shots. It is a good idea to conduct a reverse image search. Finding the same pictures, or pictures of the same person, under one or multiple different names is an obvious red flag that someone is not who they say. No results at all is also concerning but not necessarily a red flag.

They start hounding you for your phone number or more direct contact method and start professing their love only a few days after interacting with you.

They always refuse to facetime/video call with you.

Broken promises. Making plans to meet then cancelling every time. They always have an excuse as to why they cannot see you in person.

Excessive texts and calls. Overloading you with attention, trying to build a feeling of familiarity and closeness.

Professing love quickly or within a short amount of time. This can be a period of months, weeks or even days.

Scammers often live in another country or claim to be in the navy or military, or another profession that requires travel.

Asking for favours, gifts or loans.

Inconsistent or conflicting stories. For example, they may forget a lie they have told you and say they have two brothers, instead of being an only child, or say they grew up in one city when their profile says they grew up somewhere else, or they may tell you an incorrect fact about a place they say they lived or visited that they should know.


Pig butchering scams

The term "pig butchering" is used when a scammer builds up a false trust with their victim, while continually pressuring them to deposit more and more crypto assets into fake digital wallets or sites which are ultimately controlled by the scammer. The name relates to how scammers feed promises of romance and riches to their victims before cutting them off, taking all their money and ghosting them.


Effect of romance scams

The way romance scammers work can be devastating emotionally as well as financially to victims as they truly felt they had a special romantic connection. This can also make it harder for family and friends to convince someone in the midst of love that the love of their life may not be who they think they are and the eventual inevitable end of the relationship and possibly the loss of life savings compounds the feeling of loss and betrayal.

Scammers are the masters of manipulation. They can record or steal video footage while on video calls and attempt to blackmail you for life. They can use the private information you have disclosed to steal your identity, and access your social media and/or bank accounts. If you have been scammed, know that you are not alone. All is not lost and SCAMAssist specialists can help you talk through your options and we want to right the wrong done to you.


General rules for online dating

Be careful what you post and make public on your social media accounts. Your personal life shared on these platforms can help scammers better understand you.

Don't send money or gifts to a romantic interest you haven't met face to face.

Be rational in your decisions no matter how caring and loving the person is.

If there are any inconsistencies in their stories, know that it is a scam.

If you believe you are the victim of a romantic scam, stop interacting with the person as soon as possible.

Talk to someone you trust about your new love interest, and pay attention if your friends or family members express concern about your new relationship.

Google their name, pictures, and look closely at their social media accounts, posts and friends for loopholes and inconsistencies. See if any details have been used elsewhere.

Check the internet for stories and to verify the information they have told you.